There is no way to get around negative emotions. In the moment, pushing them down and locking the feelings away can seem like the right choice. However, by doing that, more damage is created and it might go unnoticed for the time being. Expressing feelings is important so there is no added strain by bottling up emotions.
Toxic positivity can be described as seeing and displaying only the good side in a situation and ignoring any possible negative outcome.
“What it really does is it doesn’t let you feel,” Regina Hower, Nixa Public Schools district social worker said. “It dismisses real feelings.”
Toxic positivity can be experienced by anyone — even those who people may not expect it from.
“Most people do have good intentions, but the toxic positivity dismisses people’s pain,” Hower said. “It also emphasizes how hard it is to sit with people who are struggling.”
A common reason this toxicity occurs is simply due to emotions feeling unwelcome.
“If you are feeling upset, you can’t show that around people because you think they expect you to always be 100 percent,” Jennifer Finke, Nixa Public Schools district social worker said. “In ways it’s really harmful for self esteem purposes too.”
The thought of expressing feelings can feel like putting weight on someone else. The idea of being a burden is not something the expresser wants to feel. Finke said pain is commonly dismissed.
“We have this mentality that everybody has to work really hard for what they get and they can’t sit in uncomfortable feelings,” Finke said. “I do think that is what is wrong with this generation. The moment someone feels uncomfortable, they bail or don’t know how to deal with it.”
In society today, it can feel like it is encouraged to continue suffering in silence rather than letting out negative emotions.
“Particularly in our culture, it makes people uncomfortable,” Hower said.
Toxic positivity is a form of gaslighting. Saying things such as “there are better things ahead” or “others have it worse,” can invalidate and mask the real problem.
“It is easy for people to go auto-drive,” Hower said. “ ‘You’ll be fine, you just need a good night’s sleep and you’ll wake up tomorrow morning and you’ll feel great.’ No, that is how you realize someone is being toxic.”
Hearing positive affirmations is not always going to heal what is happening internally.
“The inspirational quotes don’t make it go away,” Finke said. “We have to really be OK to just sit with those emotions and process through those feelings.”
Although it can be uncomfortable when it is clear that there is something going on with someone, showering them with hyper positivity can be counterproductive.
“I think it’s really difficult for people to sit next to someone who is hurting,” Hower said. “Our natural inclination is to help — it actually makes us uncomfortable to see someone who is in pain.”
The minimization of feelings is worsening with the lack of availability for those in need.
“What kind of world would we create where we would normalize things more?” Finke said. “You have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. As soon as a child feels anxious or sad, people don’t know what to do with it because they have so many different things said to them.”
Sometimes opening up is not greeted with a warm hello at the door, but instead is dismissed and looked at with stigma.
“Sometimes there’s a lot to complain about,” sophomore Elizabeth Brown said. “Life can become complicated and you just want to be in a bad mood.”
In certain environments there are sometimes seemingly more important things to put attention on rather than the current internal state of the mind.
“School gets really hard,” Brown said. “Everything piles up and procrastination doesn’t help. I have to take a moment and think.”
Besides isolation, taking positivity too far can lead to long lasting negative effects such as trauma, feeling invalidated or internal delusion.
“[False positivity] can lead to feelings building up and causing them to explode,” Brown said. “When people pretend to put a smile on instead of actually having it, it can lead to deeper depression. Then no one actually knows what you’re meaning and you can’t tell them how you are feeling.”
There are several ways to cope when it comes to needing to express certain emotions.
“By talking to other people and taking time on my own to process and think, instead of ,‘Oh my gosh I can’t do this;’ it’s ‘I just need a little bit more time.’” Brown said.
It can be beneficial to have someone to count on in times of overwhelming stress — someone able to listen.
“I have to express my anger so I’ll call a friend and rant,” Brown said. “After that I can pull myself together by taking a moment and say ‘It all works out in the end. Just be patient.’ ”
Finke advises students stop declining reasons for being upset, angry, depressed, anxious, hopeless or any other negative emotion.
“If we could have a conversation and mold the world to welcome those feelings and process those feelings, I think we would have a lot more healthy, functional people,” Finke said.
While positivity can be productive, experts encourage people to maintain a realistic attitude.
“Toxic positivity is not going anywhere,” Hower said. “Our culture is set up for toxic positivity. You have to cultivate relationships and people in your life that you can be real with.”
