Kyleigh Nielsen

Holidays can be a river of emotions for many – with the holidays being a rough, smooth or somewhere in between time, it varies between experiences and people. Different family dynamics also set the tone for the holidays. Junior counselor Todd Mincks said roughly 50 percent of students have encountered an issue with divorced parents.
“As a high school student, it’s more typical for high school students to ask questions and blame themselves – it changes the narrative of the story of their family,” Mincks said.
Students struggling with divorced parents may find the holidays a difficult time, though it varies from child to child. Freshman Emma Kosar remembers her first Christmas with divorced parents.
“Christmas day, I expected to wake up and have my whole family around me but that didn’t happen, …” Kosar said. “No one was awake – my mom was normally awake but she wasn’t there; … Christmas was not the greatest feeling.”
Divorce can be a difficult thing to imagine having to experience. Mincks said going through a divorce in a family can change the meaning of “normal” for someone.
Freshman Via Champion said that she is very excited when the holidays roll around because she often opens presents and sees her family together.
“It feels normal – if they were divorced, it would feel different,” Champion said. “When I wake up, I see them. When I go to sleep, I see them together.”
However, for Kosar, Christmas feels different.
“I hate winter, I hate Christmas –sometimes because of my divorced parents,” Kosar said.
Mincks said it can be useful to express emotions with the metaphor of an underground river — people may try to hide their emotions but when it really comes down to it, the emotions are still there. How an underground river is always present but not always seen, emotions can act in the same way. Talking about emotions with a counselor or trusted support person can help resolve inner conflict and help control emotions.
“Some people who do go to a therapist go because they’re hurting and they don’t want to hurt,” Kosar said. “They want to talk about it and get it off their chest and make sure they don’t feel alone in that situation.”
Every once in a while, Kosar asks herself “why?” Mincks said most teenagers ask why their parents got divorced, and search for an answer or even end up blaming themselves.
“No one gets married with the idea they’re going to get divorced later,” Mincks said. “It’s a hard reality to face – people often relate it to failure but it’s temporary because people get past it and find a better place.”